I have a LOT more thoughts on this than I feel I will end up writing today. I have a lot to do so I'm going to TRY to keep it short... but, you know me.
I had a thought this morning that about half of you will understand and half of you will get upset because you disagree and somehow my opinion threatens you. We live in a world where people are constantly taught that NOBODY can tell you what's right and what's wrong. This is a load of baloney. There are rights and wrongs... and for far more things than the average person is willing to accept...
At any rate... This topic here is a touchy one...
Pre-marital sex and young people.
My thought, before I forget it was this..... Saying kids are going to have sex anyway, so let's teach them to be safe... is like saying kids are going to drink beer or drive cars anyway, so let's teach them to be safe.
We don't teach 12 year old children how to drink beer responsibly. We usually don't teach them how to drive at 12.
I realize that at least a few of you(if those people are actually reading this) are already getting upset with me. Everyone thinks they're an expert and most people, they're just following what society tells them. Our society TELLS us quite loudly that... sex is fun, sex is good, it's your body so do what you want with it... and, hey, sleep with whomever you want. Life's a big party and it's ALL about serving yourself. This is what our society is teaching today. Fun fun fun...
I apologize if I'm all over the place... my thoughts are often jumbled and I have 4 kids in the house that help with those distractions.
So, I get sidetracked and my mind goes from here to there...
Anyway... My hope is that the adults that read this will actually take the time to think about this and can at least agree that children are NOT responsible. What? Yes, I said that. Kids have a LOT of growing up to do and they all think they know everything. Every few years a person can look back and say "wow, I'm smarter now than I was back then..." Teenagers are going through this period of time where life is confusing and complicated. Hormones are crazy. Random thought... TV has helped people have this attitude of "that can't happen to me". I mean on tv, they always show people sleeping with this person and that, usually after one date... They NEVER show consequences.
Anyway... kids are NOT mature... even the mature ones still have a ways to go. Society's accepted idea is that kids are going to do what they're going to do... there's no way to stop them so, let's teach them to be safe. This is a lame excuse to avoid responsibility as adults. Oh, they're going to do it anyway, let's teach them to be careful.
Do you know any kids that are careful in EVERYTHING they do? Especially(no offense) teenage boys. Many young people are actually quite reckless.
I was in a discussion with one of these know it all kids that's now a know it all young adult. She once told me that she drank responsibly. She was 18. She was breaking the law. That's responsible? hmmm... Seriously. We do not take 12 year old kids and say "oh, they're going to start drinking beer next year behind my back, I might as well teach them how to be safe about it... I imagine there are a few parents that are like that but I do hope the majority of people reading this can see the lunacy in that.
Parents shelter kids from certain things in life. Protect them and try really hard to have their kids hold onto a certain innocence as long as possible. But somehow this idea of sex, we're giving up on it. The idea that two people should not have sex outside of marriage... oh no, that's an ancient way of life and that's not for us today... hmmm Yeah, I don't think so.
I wish I had the time to write even more... more about what the bible teaches... more about what I know about the effects of this sort of thing.
Kids are going to do what they're going to do... We don't take that attitude with bullying, murder, stealing, etc... No, we TEACH them the best ways to live in life.
Whether you're for or against kids having sex too young, our ultimate goals are the same... We don't want our kids getting diseases or having unwanted pregnancies. We can agree there right?
Actual studies have shown that abstinence only teaching is far more effective in preventing such things. The world tries to teach, and many believe, that teaching a child NOT to have sex at all until they're married doesn't work... that, they're going to do it anyway. This(as a general rule) is a LIE. Children that grow up in healthy homes that are taught to abstain from sex until marriage... MOST and I do mean MOST of them stick to what they're taught as children. The bible says that if you teach a child in the way he should go, he will not depart from it. This is not always the case but it IS the general rule. There's a LOT of truth to it.
You CAN successfully teach a child to abstain from sex... to wait. It does work.(depending on what kind of role you actually take in that teaching)
You see... one of the reasons why we have this attitude of "kids are going to do what kids are going to do" is because generally speaking... parents are taking far less active roles in their children's lives... especially as they get older. Kids hang out with kids all day long at school.. they go out and hang out with friends... they do homework... etc. Parents and kids spend VERY little time with each other these days. As kids get older, many parents start to give up on the sort of hold they have on them. Parenting is TOUGH... real tough. And it gets harder with each year... not only each year the child grows... but each year you age. It's a lot of work. I have seen far too many parents simply get softer and softer...
Anyway... Schools have been teaching sexual education for a long time. I graduated high school in 1995. I do not recall what year it was but I know it was not until high school that I was taught about such things. An actual sexual education class. Today, they start that in middle school and sometimes even earlier in some places in this country. The idea, I think, is that STD's, unwanted pregnancies and abortions were not declining... so, maybe we have to teach them sooner? It isn't working.
This same girl I talked with about drinking once... when it came to sexual education, she told me how early it was taught in her schools and how she has seen it be effective... that to her, it was good they were teaching it earlier and earlier... She learned BEFORE high school... In the same conversation, she told me that there were a LOT of pregnant girls in her high school. Am I the only one that sees the contradiction in all that? Here she was telling me that the schools she went to were teaching it BEFORE high school... and that it was effective... Then... LOTS of pregnancies in her high school. Wow...
Now, I imagine there were SOME pregnancies in my high school but I can say, I never knew of any. It sure wasn't an epidemic.
This idea that if we teach them properly, how to have sex, how to use protection... all will be good. Hey, we'll even pass out free condoms for good measure.
Take a look around. It is NOT working. not at all. Teen pregnancies are not down...(except in the cases of abortion), abortions aren't down(except in the case of pills you can take at home), and STD's are not down... not at all. Teaching children... CHILDREN... how to be responsible WHILE just having fun with sex is simply not working. It never will. Especially since the reason we're stuck thinking this is the best way is because parents are not taking the active and serious role in teaching anything involving sex. I can recall maybe one single conversation with my mother about it. Parents are either afraid or uncomfortable with it. You can bet kids are uncomfortable with it..... Hey... get comfortable with it. This isn't my favorite subject to go rambling on about... but, it is a SERIOUS one.
Abstinence only teaching is literally THE BEST way to prevent unwanted pregnancies, abortions, and STDs. This is fact. This has been proven in real studies.
What we're teaching in public schools... parents relinquish their rights and responsibilities... oh, the schools are teaching about sex... oh good, I don't have to. Generally speaking, parents back WAY off when their children become teenagers. This I'm afraid is a mistake. They are still children and not fully mature. They still need a LOT of guidance and teaching and most of what they REALLY need, the schools can not give them... not ever.
Teen peer pressure is far greater a force than you will likely be able to see or admit. Hey, even adults fall prey to peer pressure(that's another story). The idea that kids will do what kids will do is ONLY true if you don't teach them right... and teach them OFTEN.
I know another lady that I know from college. I called her on the phone one day and what she said shocked me as I had never heard such a thing before. She told me she really didn't talk to guys on the phone and that we could hang out in a group setting if I wanted to. Where did she learn such.. such... I can't even think of the word to describe it at the moment. Purity, modesty, but, more than that. Anyway, where did she learn that? Hmmmmmm... I can't imagine...
Parents. I don't know if she or any of her family members have read through this... but I've told them how much I admired their family before. That family was raised REALLY well... LOTS of respect for them. Lots.
This is just to simply illustrate how much of an impact you DO have as a parent and a family. What you say, teach, and what you DO impacts where your child goes in life. Statistically speaking... more facts here... A child growing up in a home where the adults smoke 24/7... the kids will smoke. Parents drink a lot, the kids will drink... parents are criminals... statistically speaking, the kids will be criminals. Find a family with doctors and lawyers, "respectable people", etc etc... the children MORE often than not follow in their footsteps. This IS the norm... this is statistically what happens. Parenting(good and bad) is the most powerful thing that shapes a child. Stop turning over your power to the schools... stop ACCEPTING that kids will do whatever they want. What do YOU want for your child? Teach them that at every turn. Teach them in words and in actions.
Lastly... as I really do have a lot to do today...
Sex IS pleasurable. There are many reasons why the bible teaches that it should be between one man and one woman, for life. that it shouldn't happen before marriage and/or outside of marriage. There are serious reasons why the bible teaches that. God has our best interests at heart. He doesn't teach us things for His benefit... He teaches for ours. I have a LOT more to say about that and the actual effects of sleeping around and/or jumping from relationship to relationship. LOTS to say...
But, I'm going to close with a few more thoughts about the maturity of "young people". None of this is meant to be offensive. I'm not insulting children in any way. It is simply factual that kids that age are not fully mature and EXTREMELY impressionable.
And no matter how much you think YOUR child is mature and, oh they'll be fine. Please, think seriously about that. Adults today make mistakes too. LOTS of them. We ALL do things we "know better" on. Things happen... people forget... people get lost in a moment....
You can think ALL you want that if we teach our 12 year olds how to use a condom and how important it is, that all will be well. We've been doing that for years and things are not improving. They're taught in school(a place many don't even want to be, and have little respect for) and only for a short while. It's not drilled into them in any way. And we expect them to follow those instructions to the letter? By your own admission(many of you) kids are going to do what kids are going to do.
Boys that age are embarrassed by things, very much so are girls. A boy might not feel comfortable asking for a condom, finding a condom, buying one, or even simply pulling one out of his pocket at the moment it's needed... and a girl might not feel comfortable asking. These are young people that have a LOT of maturing to do still. Again, people forget... adults forget.
Sex as a teenager is a BIG responsibility. Far greater than driving a car and we take great precautions in driving. Again, we don't teach them how when they're 12 just because "hey, they're going to do it anyway". Kids are not ready for that responsibility... They're just not. That's why when those accidents DO happen, our society is SO quick to call that accident less than a life and dispose of it. That is anything but responsibility... in fact, it teaches quite the opposite. Oh, if you make a mistake, you can take this pill and make it all go away... :/
Oh I have SO much to say, I'm sorry... I have to stop... but... The emotional responsibility and consequences are another thing all together... and just as serious and lasting.
I hope at least some of that made sense. The effects of all this are HUGE... It's a serious topic.
Don't let society tell you that kids are going to do whatever they want. Don't let that excuse stop you from trying to teach your children what you think is best for them. Never give up as a parent.
Sort of like my blog, only not a blog.
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